Thursday, April 30, 2009

Reborn?

Once again, I have not written in a few days which I do not enjoy doing, I would like to write something everyday or every other. Normally when this happens there is a reason.

Not much has changed since my last entry, I am still resting! Monday I had the chance to spend sometime with my mom as she walked and I shuffled around the mall (not the whole thing). There were a couple of books I wanted to look at, last prescription refill, and we needed to pick up a gift for my little cousin. So..... I figured it would get me out of the house, and do some moving. Well, my mom had to go get the car every time there was an exit as there was no way I was making it back out to the parking lot. We finally rested and had lunch together which hit the spot. Following our short adventure my body was exhausted and we made it home to the couch where I did leave until bedtime.

My sleeps have been pretty good but I am having massive night sweats , even during my naps and unsure if they are related to my hot flashes or if my body is trying to get rid of crap! I have also been waking up around 4:00-4:30 for about 30-45 mins and then going back to bed till 8:00-9:00am. When I wake up I have my most source of energy but it is not lasting long and I am back taking a nap by 11:00am. The recovery from this treatment fatigue wise is the most I have every experienced or maybe acknowledged. I am napping in 4 hr spurts, 2x/day and sleeping 9 hrs at night.... it seems like my body for the first time is forcing myself to rest and recover. Therefore, I have been letting my body do what it needs to and following the process. Of course it is aggravating because you have no strength or stamina to even put the dishes away!

The closest analogy right now to how I am feeling is what a new born does when they are born, sleep, eat, sh*#! I have no better way to explain it except that it feels weird when you are doing it as an adult instead of a newborn. My body is just telling me to shut down and let itself regenerate and in time you will be strong enough again. I keep forgetting to mention also that my hair has started to grow back, actually following the 4th treatment and now its on the run looking like a fuzzy newborns head. Everything is changing and that's partially why I feel like I am dazed and confused, my skin texture has changed, my hair, my eyes look different, so many "new" things. This may not be obvious to everyone else but maybe I am also seeing things through a new perspective.

My life is starting a new with lots of familiar things, but many new insites, adventures and stories which I am truely blessed for.

The next phase of my journey begins on May 6th when I will be meeting with the radiation treatment plan team to have my CT scan, tattoo, and book my sessions, then May 12th for an information session and then within days I will begin yet another journey!

~sasha

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